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Joke of the Day
"Canada is 50% ""a"""
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"I'd probably die of starvation in England I heard that face sitting is illegal."
"Nurse: ""It says here you're lacoste intolerant? Is that a typo?"" Me: ""No. I just really, really can't stand polos with crocodiles on them."""
"You can tell a lot about a person.. by not keeping their secrets."
"Rum: ""Drink me."" Me: ""No, I'll get a hangover."" Rum: ""Nah, you'll get funnier and better looking!"" Me: ""Really?"" *drinks* Rum: ""Sucker."""
"thesaurus for sale, brand new, current, modern, original, unused, untapped, fresh, pristine, untouched, mint condition, spotless, untried..."
"Starlord: Galaxy. Superman: Earth. Spiderman: NYC. And then there's Daredevil micromanaging the shit out of 10 blocks in midtown Manhattan."
"Did you hear about the guy who entered a joke and 10 puns in a contest? The joke won, but no pun in ten did."
"What does a dentist do on a roller coaster?...He braces himself"
"Having trouble with your iPhone saying ""No Service""? Just put your shirt and shoes back on."