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Joke of the Day

"Did you hear about the guy who entered a joke and 10 puns in a contest? The joke won, but no pun in ten did."

"Just saw a dude with a row of pimples that looked exactly like a sick handlebar moustache. Nice one, puberty."

"I'm a really green person, but only because I hate the oceans."

"A sales assistant advised me on the liquor to buy for the holiday season recently She was my spirit guide."

"So I flushed my extra viagra down the toilet... I haven't been able to close the lid in weeks."

"[wife explaining to me how deaths in movies work] So the actors really don't die? ""No"" So is Abraham Lincoln really not dead? *she sighs*"

"The man who invented Velcro has died. RIP."

"What's the best lake to go motorboating? Lake Titicaca"

"Why I'm leaving r/Jokes Going for some sushi. Brb in a hour or so."

"No thanks Audi; I get all the uncompromised luxury I can handle by driving whatever car my wife thinks makes me look the most married."