46969

Joke of the Day

"The definition of a fart...as told by a 60 year old woman I work with. A turd honking for its right of way!"

"Opposing counsel licks his thumb every time he turns a page in his file and basically I didn't even know this rage inside me existed."

"What's the difference between a paycheck and a penis? You don't have to beg your wife to blow your paycheck."

"Don't smoke Unless you're on fire, then it's natural."

"[in class] Me: hey, can I borrow a pen? Guy: sure, black or blue? Me [sweating & swelling up]: you got one for bee stings?"

"Girl can I ask you a question *gets down on one knee* would you like to make $8,000 a week working from home"

"Why DID David Cameron fuck a dead pig, anyway? The live ones wouldn't hold still."

"Hello? Fred's Restaurant. Hello! I'd like to know do you serve crabs? We serve anyone sir! Come on in!"

"The best part about pooping with the door open in the morning is being able to see everyone's face at Starbucks."

"Never try to kill a termite with a napkin. It'll only get bigger."