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Joke of the Day
"Terrorists are so slutty They'll blow on the first date"
Next Joke
"You legally aren't married until someone says, ""haha but seriously"" in their wedding speech."
"Does your wife know you're single?"
"What's the M0D's name before they're triggered; turning into a furious, putrid, lump of blubber? Bruce Banner"
"Made the mistake of ordering chlorine for the pool and researching Kenya so I'm tweeting this from what appears to be a windowed black van."
"Me: Nice flowers. Co-worker: They're from my boyfriend. Now I'm going to spend all weekend w/my legs in the air. Me: Don't you have a vase?"
"there's literally no way to know for sure how many chameleons are chillin in your house right now"
"What would you do of you found Chicago, Ill.? Call Baltimore, M.D."
"CHILLING WITH ESKIMOS Q: What do Eskimos get from sitting on a block of ice? A. Polaroids."
"He died doing what he loved: checking to see if wolves are ticklish."