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Joke of the Day

"I met my girlfriends dad last weekend, he told me ""Anything you do to my daughter ill do to you on my front lawn!"" I said ""I suppose you'll be buying me dinner on your front lawn?"""

"I just managed to determine someones IQ just by hearing her laugh."

"Daughter steals my iPad so I left Google open on ""too many kids"" & ""making it look accidental."" Found my iPad but haven't seen her all day."

"did you hear about the Chinese lift repairman? , it was Wong on so many levels."

"If you put healing crystals in a sock and beat someone with it do they cancel each other out?"

"I keep forgetting which Disney princess is it who solves all her own problems without trying to find a boyfriend?"

"What's the difference between my virginity and the Apple Airphones? Losing my virginity wouldn't cost me as much."

"Teacher: What time do you get up in the morning ? About an hour and a half after I arrived at school"

"What's the difference between a Zippo and a hippo? One's a quite heavy, and the other's a little lighter."

"How do you titillate an ocelot? .... .... You oscillate its tit a lot"