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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between my virginity and the Apple Airphones? Losing my virginity wouldn't cost me as much."

".@petco None of the pets I purchase from you shrug and say ""It's a living"" when I use them in place of household appliances."

"I came in like a lion and went out like a kitten."

"A thousand millibar go into a bar... ..."

"Just when I think I've run out of tweets, I come up with this one."

"""Careful, there's poop on the dance floor."" - how ballet was invented."

"[NSFW] Sex is like flipping a coin Either way you're getting heads or tails"

"If my wife is any indication, then we need a woman in office to get this country back on track. For years, she has been creating work out of nothing for me."

"How many Microsoft executives does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None. They just redefine 'darkness' as an industry standard."

"I left my Adderall in my Ford Fiesta, It is now a Ford Focus. I can't claim credit for this one, I heard it on one of my favorite streamers' streams."