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Joke of the Day
"""Your days are numbered!"" - inventor of the calendar, joyously announcing his accomplishment"
Next Joke
"Having to hide your euphoria when a friend says ""I'm going to have to cancel tonight"""
"Forgot to tie my bikini top back before I stood up from sunbathing on the beach. Now I know how to get help carrying my chairs to the car."
"Pooping is just like Game of Thrones. You either win or you die."
"I want to give my ex a great Valentines present to show him how much I still care. I think I'll go all out and buy him a Toyota."
"13YO: Why's he happy? He got dog-piled. Me: He made a lot of groundage before getting put down. Husband: Yardage. Tackled. PLEASE LEAVE."
"Q: What does Saddam want for Thanksgiving ? A: Turkey."
"I don't understand all the excitement over Usain Bolt I finish in under ten seconds all the time."
"Call me when you have $50,000 and you'll get your little girl back. Call in the next five minutes and I'll throw in a second kid as a gift."
"What do you call a guy with no body and no nose? Nobody knows"