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Joke of the Day

"Whoa. There are books on TAPE? Now I can stop reading while I drive. This is gonna save so many lives."

"Milk cartons in Asia have missing planes on them instead of children."

"What did Beethoven do when he died? Decompose."

"How many optometrists does it take to change a light bulb? One..... Or two..."

"What's the definition of a surprise? A fart with a lump in it"

"So, it is clear now that the only person who can stop a Trump presidency is Hillary Clinton... ...by conceding in favour of Bernie Sanders."

"So my friend asks me... ... How do people get Bill from William? I tell him,""The same way you get dick from Richard."""

"What's the difference between zombies? Q: What's the difference between zombies? A: Zombies make honey, and zombies don't."

"Penguins can't fly. Sometimes I get bummed out thinking about that. But then I remember I don't have to clean penguin shit off my car."

"Trump Tower and Michael Phelps Between Michael Phelps and Trump Tower, it has been the biggest week for suction cups in the history of mankind."