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Joke of the Day

"""...you can also say 'representative' at any ti--"" ""REPRESENTATIVE!!"""

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"I remember once I threw a boomerang It never came back so I've learned to live in constant fear."
"What kind of martial arts do birds practice? Wing Chun"
"Women are like necklaces They strangle me when i try to sleep with 'em."
"Joe was really good at making movie trailers. There was just one problem *car honk* he didn't have access to the record scratch sound effect"
"I'm Dyslexic, Agnostic, and an Insomniac. I lay awake all night wondering if there really is a Dog."
"I'm at my most Michael Phelps when I find out someone has peed in the pool."
"One of these days the love of your life will walk right past you and you're gonna be staring at your phone posting a status about how lonely you feel."
"What does a prostitute and a lawyer have in common? They both screw you for $300 per hour. What's the difference? Most prostitutes have standards."
"Did you know there are 260 bones in the human body? Want one more?"