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Joke of the Day

"I remember once I threw a boomerang It never came back so I've learned to live in constant fear."

"How to get a woman: 1) find one who sells cars 2) take a test drive 3) just keep driving She's yours now, plus you have a new car."

"What they told you about Mormonism is a lie Because they can't tell the truth"

"Explaining a fountain to a 3rd world country must be weird. 'Yeah we just shoot clean water into the air and throw our extra money into it'."

"RUN FOREST!!! RUN!!! But the trees just stood there. Frozen with fear. In the end, the flames consumed them all."

"I tried smoking mushrooms today.. ..but the pizza sauce kept putting the lighter out."

"Whose the most vague person in the Military ? General Direction."

"The second I feel pressured to do something, I'm out of there faster than a dog who hears his name and knows it's bath time."

"How much does a Chinese dumpling weigh? It weighs *Won-ton*"

"no, no-- i'm pro-life only until the baby is born. after that the baby must exist in a hellworld of preventable disease and gun violence"