46445

Joke of the Day

"What did the Reddit using CVS cashier say about the man buying condoms after he left... ...this guy fucks."

"Wooden leg. My friend said he knew a man with a wooden leg named Smith. So I asked him ""What was the name of his other leg?"""

"Why do ducks have webbed feet? To stomp out fires. Why do elephants have flat feet? To stomp out the burning ducks."

"What does the Starship Enterprise and toilet paper have in common? They both glide around Uranus and wipe out Klingons!"

"how many kids with A.D.D does it take to screw in a light bulb? let's go ride bikes."

"Friend: What time is it? Me: (pulls out phone, checks Twitter and Facebook notifications, puts phone away) Friend: Well? Me: Well what?"

"My doctor says I have oppositional-defiant disorder. But he's wrong, so fuck him!"

"""Is that old Chinese food in the trash? There's Q-tips in there too? AND a bag of my poop? This is gonna be so good!"" --dogs"

"Hey, want to hear a joke? ""Sure"" ""Sex"" ""... I don't get it."" ""Yeah, I know you don't."""

"There are two types of countries on this planet ones that use the metric system and the one that got to the moon"