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Joke of the Day

"""Wow, this toilet is really uncomfortable..."" ~Me drunk in the hot tub as my guests throw themselves out"

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"All good students of Astrology drop out midway after they learn enough to find out. :)"
"I hate three things in this world: math"
"What a precious thing it is to bond with someone by talking shit about somebody else."
"What is it called when weather in Central America breaks the news? A topical climate."
"An alpaca made me an offer I couldn't refuse. I guess it was an Alpac'ino."
"2015. Worse than the death of paper is the death of staplers. Rest in peace you sexy plastic alligators."
"A blind man walks into a bar And a table. And a chair."
"A grasshopper sits at the bar... ...and the bartender says, ""Hey, we have a drink named after you!"" The grasshopper says, ""You have a drink named Steve?"""
"I just found out I'm going to be a father!!! My wife will be pretty mad when she finds out."