46164

Joke of the Day

"What do you call a pig with three eyes? A piiig!"

"Did you hear Uber and Lyft are merging? They're rebranding as ""Luber: For when you need to come fast!"""

"How do you say, Richard and Robert raped the rabbit, with no R's Dick and Bob fucked a bunny."

"What kind of computer is optimized for sad songs? A Dell."

"What's the difference between a pick pocket and a peeping Tom? A pick pocket only snatches people's watches. Credit Sanford and Son Edit: Statches"

"What does NASCAR stand for? Non-athletic-sport-centered-around-rednecks (I heard this forever ago and wanted to share. Sorry if it happens to be a repost.)"

"If I ever have two sons, I'll name one Penn and the other Sword, then make them wrestle a lot just to see if it's true."

"Kesha got a lip tattoo that says, 'Suck It.' I'd suggest you 'Disinfect It,' 'Fumigate It,' or better yet, 'Avoid It.'"

"How many jews can you fit in a Volkswagen beetle? 4 in the seats and 47 in the ashtray."

"I think my wife's sewing machine is on the blink. I'm not sure what's wrong, it just doesn't seam right."