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Joke of the Day

"What did the baby eating cannibals say in the hospital to the expectant mothers? Fetus!!!"

"How many Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb? Don't know, the pope hasn't said yet. How many Lutherans does it take to screw in a light bulb? None, Lutherans don't change."

"How can you tell someone is vegan? Don't worry, they'll tell you"

"What's 9 inches long, pink, and women scream when you put in their mouth? Their miscarriage"

"I'm going to take all of your tweets that make absolutely zero sense and combine them to make a Red Hot Chili Peppers song"

"I changed my password to ""incorrect"" So when I forget it my computer will tell me ""your password is incorrect"""

"What's your best Pirate Joke? What's a pirate's favorite letter? the C!"

"Today, I'm going to open up the time capsule I made when I was a kid... I can't wait to see how big my puppy is now!!!!"

"i love our new home. LA is such a safe place and- *a dog drives by holding a pistol playing tupac in an el camino* denise get in the car"

"Today I extended an olive branch to my enemy. As hard as I could and right in the eye."