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Joke of the Day

"Charles Dickens walks into a bar... and orders a Martini. The bartender asks,""Olive or twist?"""

"What did the man quietly say to himself after farting in a crowded elevator? Thanks a lot, asshole."

"best joke When my three-year-old was told to pee in a cup at the doctor's office, he unexpectedly got nervous. With a shaking voice, he asked, ""Do I have to drink it"

"Vampire selfies are just phones floating in front of bathroom mirrors."

"A duck walks into a drug store, He goes and puts lip stick on the check out counter. The cashier asks, ""will this be cash or check?"" The duck says, ""neither; just put it on my bill."""

"What bit of fish doesn't make sense ? The piece of cod that passeth all understanding !"

"Everyone says I should sign up for a 401k but I don't think I can run that far."

"I don't know how Valve managed to do it, but... they even included the British Pound in their summer sale this year."

"My ex-girlfriend is standing at the opposite end of the museum from me! I want to go say hi but there's just so much history between us."

"him: who is your fantasy? me: huh? him: who would you like to be stuck in an elevator with? me: the elevator repair man."