221004

Joke of the Day

"(My 3 favorite things are) My 3 favorite things are chicken pot pie. Doesn't even have to be in that order."

"A girl goes to the gynecologist, and the OB/GYN says ""This might hurt a bit, do you want me to numb it?"" She nodded yes... [NUMNUMNUMNUMNUMNUMNUMNUMNUMNUMNUM!](http://i.imgur.com/ZtNtzNP.gif)"

"""Have I made myself clear?"" Said the chameleon as he stood in front of a sheet of glass."

"Why are so many people in San Francisco homeless? They can't afford an apartment because they only make 50 grand per year."

"Baked turkey for 4 and a half days - instructions said 1 hour per pound and I weigh 108! #MyProblem"

"[the instructor clearly frustrated with me on first day of veterinary school] ""It doesn't matter if its a dog, it's still called a cat scan"""

"Going to show my kids before and after pictures of Lindsay Lohan and say this girl didn't think she needed a nap either."

"Spent 10 mins trying to get into my car today...finally the door opened when the person who actually owned the car unlocked it."

"I've decided to sell the vacuum... It's just collecting dust. Credit to Codsworth"

"Two jews walk into A bar... Ahbar then gets insulted that the jews even looked at him and demands that his country declares war on Israel for these unspeakable crimes."