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Joke of the Day
"When does CPR become necrophilia? When you are both stiff"
Next Joke
"Why was Jimmy Glasscock bad at hide and seek? You could always see him coming."
"My 2 yo is currently having the biggest tantrum I've ever seen! He's mad I will not let him open & eat the box of candy* he found. *tampons"
"My grandparents were vaporised in a freak accident They will be mist... :'("
"Sometimes my eye-rolls are the most exercise I get all day."
"I went to a homeless themed fancy dress last night. It was shit.Fcuk all food or drink and we stood outside in the rain all night."
"Hey baby, is your father a thief because he stole the stars and he put them in your eyes and also my TV is missing."
"[driver on opposite side of the road puts head lights on] moth driving: omg moth wife: Harold no we have a baby moth baby: FLOOR IT DAD"
"Are you saying that if I shoot you with a pistol, you won't get hurt? Why don't you give it a shot?"
"To avoid criticism, do nothing, say nothing, be nothing."