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Joke of the Day

"What paper product speaks really quickly? Wrapping paper."

"What's 20 foot long, screams like a banshee and has no pubes? The front row of a One Direction concert."

"A: My bag is getting heavier B: Why? A: Because I don't smoke... B: How does it matter?? A: ""It ain't got any lighter"""

"What has four legs and an arm? A happy pit bull."

"Camouflage training ""Soldier!"" ""Yes, sergeant!"" ""I haven't seen you at camouflage training today!"" ""Thank you, sergeant!"""

"A fairy godmother but for breakups. She takes your phone and leaves alcohol and possibly your first cat."

"Why did the cheese go to the museum? To get cultured"

"Did you hear what happened to the dildo farmer? He had a big problem with squatters."

"I'm emotionally unavailable but I make up for it by being completely unattractive."

"Why can't ghosts have sex? Because they have Halloweenies"