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Joke of the Day

"I'm emotionally unavailable but I make up for it by being completely unattractive."

"Why did the elephant paint his toenails red ? So he could hide in the cherry tree !"

"Do steam rollers really roll steam?"

"name a hurricane ""Jesus"" cuz then u could say ""Jesus is coming"" & have unaware ppl frantically prepare for rapture"

"A man on the subway awoke to an early morning blowjob. He had left his mouth open while he was sleeping"

"Why can't steven hawking perform comedy? He can't do stand up"

"You know how you have that ONE hoodie that no matter when or what you're eating -- you ALWAYS spill something on it? It's cuz you're a pig."

"I think my penis is sick!!! I was playing with him this morning and he threw-up in my hand."

"I'm like the mafia to my son. He only contacts me when he wants money or protection."

"Wanna watch Netflix in H? I'll give you the D later."