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Joke of the Day

"I'm emotionally unavailable but I make up for it by being completely unattractive."

"It's always a little disconcerting how before you trust them with your life every airline checks you in using computers running Windows 95."

"Did you hear about that African-Asian summit? Apparently it was a black-thai do."

"Why did the man cry when he was cutting up onions? ""Onions"" was his dog... D:"

"Did you hear about the hermit in the storm cloud? I heard the advice he gives is enlightning!"

"I didnt know what to wear to my first meeting of the premature ejaculation society.... ...so i came in my pants."

"I can get most of Reddit to hate me in one sentence I'm watching Sword Art Online (my favorite anime) on my iPhone while reading a Minions fanfic on my Wii U and eating bananas dipped in ketchup"

"Management tip: 1) Slam phone down, 2) Grab briefcase, 3) Stomp out while mumbling about ""always having to fix things,"" 4) Sleep in car."

"I work in the meat department and a customer asks me what is the difference between the Halal chicken and the regular chicken. I said ""Regular chicken lays eggs. Halal chicken lays hand grenades."""

"Ok America. You've made us chuckle with this whole Trump 2016 thing. But if we see Kanye 2020 happen... No. More. SYRUP. Love, Canada"