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Joke of the Day

"I bought shoes from a drug dealer.. I don't know what he laced em with but I've been tripping all day......!"

"What noise does a ceiling fan make? GO CEILING!!! WHOOOHOOO!!!! YOUR NUMBER ONE!! YAY, CEILING RULES!!!"

"What did the leper say to the prostitute? ""Keep the tip"""

"i imagine the people who slaved for years perfecting the google search algorithm would be so mad knowing i mainly use it now for spellcheck"

"*bursts into starbucks* Me: DO YOU GUYS HAVE A POWER OUTLET Barista: yeah over there Me: oh thank god *plugs in a mechanical bull*"

"My girlfriend said she liked surprises. But you should have seen her face when I told her I have chlamydia."

"Photon A photon goes to a hotel to find a room.. the man at the desk asks if he would like any help with his bags and the photon says ""I don't have any.. I'm traveling light."""

"Hitting on the nurse If you hit on the nurse that does your colonoscopy, and she says no to anal, you can say ""youve been up MY bum!"""

"How can the blind not see... Get rid of the Jews if he can't see what color their eyes are?"

"I went to a onesie-themed NYE party... ...everyone was appalled when I turned up wearing just a belt."