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Joke of the Day

"Spell roast five times, r-o-a-s-t, r-o-a-s-t, r-o-a-s-t, r-o-a-s-t, r-o-a-s-t. What do you put in a toaster? I usually put bread in a toaster."

"BMW What is the difference between a BMW and a porcupine? A porcupine has the pricks on the outside."

"I want to make a special present for my dad's birthday. How do I make a St. Patrick's Day mocha? He says Irish coffee is the only thing keeping this family together"

"What did the Asian guy say when he was caught sleeping with another man's wife? Me love you wrong time."

"Why can't you play UNO with Mexicans? They'll steal all of the green cards."

"Me: Who wants to go out to dinner and scream and cry and make daddy wish he wore more condoms? Kids: WE DO! YAY!"

"Which has less drunks: an Irish wedding or an Irish funeral? An Irish funeral has one less drunk."

"I returned some shorts to Walmart and bought a pizza, with the credit I had received, to share with my wife... She kinda ate my shorts."

"What did the pirate pirate say on his 80th birthday? ""I can't believe I'm still illegally downloading movies at this age!"""

"Has this one ever been used? Why didn't the chicken cross the road? Because he was chicken. Alright."