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Joke of the Day

"Spell roast five times, r-o-a-s-t, r-o-a-s-t, r-o-a-s-t, r-o-a-s-t, r-o-a-s-t. What do you put in a toaster? I usually put bread in a toaster."

"Protip: if your date is going to throw a drink at your face, at least open your mouth, because hey, free drink."

"What do you get when you cross a pyrotechnician and Mexican food? Explosive Diarrhea"

"Arguing with a woman is like being attacked by a bear... You're better off playing dead and hoping they get bored and walk away!"

"Statistics are like a bikini What it reveals is suggestive, but what it conceals is essential."

"I feel sorry for Piers Morgan. He's basically Piers Morgan, trapped in Piers Morgan's body."

"sodium sodium sodium sodium sodium sodium sodium sodium Batman!!!"

"What's the most influental animal rights philosopher? Karl Barx"

"Where does an elephant carry its laptop? In its trunk."

"First cannibal: I can't find anything to eat! Second cannibal: But the jungle's full of people. First cannibal: Yes but they're all very unsavory."