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Joke of the Day

"My daughter was whining about her chores. She asked if she needed to vacuum the whole apartment. I said, ""no, just do the floor."""

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"What do you get when you cross a hotdog and a potato? A dictator."
"Q: What's green, and sings? A: Elvis Parsley"
"Welcome to the real Internet, where the men are men, the women are men, and the children are the FBI."
"Why do seagulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over the bay they would be called bagels."
"How many children with ADHD does it take to screw in a light bulb? Wanna go swimming?"
"What is a pirate's least favorite letter? Dear Sir/Ma'am, We are cutting your internet connection due to the following reasons: 1. Illegal Downloading"
"What did the scientist say when he stubbed his toe? Flourine Uranium Carbon Potassium."
"Life is a suicide mission."
"I love when I have dramatic realizations over my morning cereal... ... I call 'em ""breakfast epiphanies"""