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Joke of the Day

"Dear Netflix; when I got my first dvd by mail all those years ago I never dreamed that one day you would raise a child for me."

"Elton John just launched a women's lingerie line.. ""And you can tell everybody this is your thong"""

"I have to start remembering my passwords, I have renamed the dog so many times he just looks at me with disgust now."

"Helen Keller walks into a bar... Don't laugh! You would too if you couldn't see or hear."

"Owning a selfie stick is a good way to tell people that you've driven all of your friends away with your narcissism."

"What's a pirates favourite letter? P, because without it they're irate"

"A crocodile goes to the doctor.. It turns out the crocodile was suffering from ereptile dysfunction."

"What is the difference between a Chickpea and a Lentil? I've never had a Lentil on my chest."

"Your plastic surgery looks amazing. Your rotting, lifeless corpse is going to look so young. The other corpses will be so jealous."

"What's the difference between a well dressed bicyclist and a poorly dressed unicyclist? Attire."