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Joke of the Day

"Why couldn't the life guard save the drowning hippie? Because he was too far out man."

"Two spiders are at another spiders funeral. ""Peter was the most gentle spider I ever knew. He wouldn't hurt a fly."" ""Yeah, that's true. Do you know what he died from?"" ""Starvation."""

"One of Jesus' most impressive accomplishments was being 33 years old and still having 12 really close friends."

"Arguing with guy at the bar and he claimed Wikipedia was an unreliable source, suggesting instead that I listen to him, a drunk guy at a bar"

"A farmer asks a physicist for a system to collect chicken eggs The physicist thinks for a while and says: -I have a solution, but it only works with spherical chickens and in vacuum."

"if cops want to catch serial killers why don't they just hang out at petsmart and follow home the guys that buy tarantulas"

"What's the difference between a chick pea and a lentil? I've never had a lentil on my chest."

"What's a great way to say I love you to your wife? I have a heart-on for you. Credit where credit is due: -Wayne Gretzky -Michael Scott"

"I like my car how I like my life. Duty free."

"Go on vacation in Poland... ...your car is already there!"