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Joke of the Day

"My friend handed me broken scissors... I told him this isn't going to cut it."

"What do you call ten German men standing abreast, walking backward? [OC] A receeding Herr line."

"I knew someone had added dirt to my garden. And so, the plot thickens"

"Friends and family are like butt cheeks... Shit seperates them but, they always come back together in the end."

"Thanks to yesterday's chili, I can definitively tell you that there are 242 tiles in this bathroom stall."

"If your house is hit by a dolphin, don't go outside to see if the dolphin is alright, that's how the hurricane tricks you to come outside."

"How does Stephen Hawking refresh after a long day? F5"

"If you move to a different country at least TRY to fit in with the culture. Like when I lived in Italy & changed my name to Mario Spaghetti"

"Why would you wrap a hamster in duct tape? So it won't explode when you fuck it."

"I suck at video games. I mess up the character's life like I have my own. I played Mario today and he ended up $60K in debt and had 4 DUIs."