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Joke of the Day
"TIFU by going to Jimmy John's for lunch.. Whoops, wrong sub."
Next Joke
"So I fucked this bitch last night, but she was really clingy. I asked a friend for his insight, he said ""Yeah man, golden retrievers can be like that sometimes."""
"How come no one liked the Chinese food enthusiast? He was a mega lo meiniac."
"I'd call you a cunt but you lack the warmth and depth"
"There are two goldfishes in a bowl. There are two goldfishes in a fish bowl. One says to the other, ""Trevor, why do the humans think us fish are stupid?"" Trevor says, ""Sorry, who are you again?"""
"[On phone with Pizza Hut] Me: I texted my order 4 hrs ago! PH: Are you sure you didn't tweet it...again? Me: PH: Sir? Me: K. Love you. Bye."
"I don't always drink tequila but when I do, where the hell are my clothes?"
"You can tell monopoly's an old game... ...because there's a luxury tax and rich people can go to jail"
"My wife said she wanted to do it missionary style, so I forced her to change religions and gave her smallpox."
"What's the best part about having sex with twenty eight year olds? There's twenty of them"