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Joke of the Day
"Next to a lie, a pun is the lowest form of creation."
Next Joke
"Me: I need to lose my baby weight. Diet coach: Awww, how old is your youngest? Me: Thirteen."
"A nurse finds a rectal thermometer in her pocket. ""Some asshole's got my pen"""
"On Twitter, people respect you for sharing your deepest, darkest flaws. Unless those flaws are typos, in which case, die in a fire."
"I self medicate, therefore you live."
"If a normal person's mouth waters at a steak? Does a vegan's mouth water when someone is mowing the grass?"
"I've spent 50% of my life learning how to live without drugs and alcohol and the other 50% happy."
"Whoever stole my copy of Office 365, I will find you You have my Word."
"HAHAHAHAHAHAH donald trump and hillary are stranded on a boat, and it sinks, so who survives? AMERICA"
"""I just love a girl in uniform"" Appropriate on the battlefield, but not at your local schoolyard."