4493

Joke of the Day

"I just battle rapped my 4 year-old and rhymed ""take a nap"" with ""piece of crap"" so don't tell me about your parenting skills."

"A wife is like a boomerang the harder you throw the faster she comes back."

"What do ghosts dress up as for Halloween? As John Cena because you can't see them."

"Women always say they want security... When I'm around."

"Diner: May I please have a glass of water? Waiter: Why are you thirsty? Diner: No I want to see if my neck leaks."

"I was up all night wondering, if you get fired at the Unemployment Office, do you just switch to the other side of the desk?"

"Just found out my best friend is on Match.com... but I can't make fun of him about it because then he'll wanna know why I was browsing single men on Match.com."

"""Polar bears can't jump"" -- black bears"

"I like my woman like I like my shoelaces. Curvy, loose, and easy to finger."