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Joke of the Day

"So I burnt my Hawaiian pizza last night... I should've put it on Aloha temperature."

"GF: ...I'm pregnant ME: *holding a 10-piece chicken nuggets box that actually has 11 nuggets* I've also got some pretty big news"

"What's the difference between New Jersey girls and trash? Trash gets picked up."

"Cop: Is that a turtle? Me: ... Cop: Painted blue? Me: ... Cop: With nails glued on? Me: ... Cop: Mario Kart's not real Me: YOURE NOT REAL"

"How do you drown a hipster? In the main stream"

"So I was at the bar last night.. and the waitress screamed...""Anyone know CPR?!"" I said, ""Hell, I know the entire alphabet!"" Everyone laughed...except this *one* guy."

"Wanna know how i know i'm getting laid tonight? Because i am stronger then you."

"Dyslexic man walks into a bra Funny or nah?"

"""The ONLY guaranteed way to lose weight is through Diet & Exercise!"" -People who haven't tried Meth"

"Did you hear about the new Marty McFly movie... ...Where he travels back in time to become a florist? It's called Back to the Fuschia."