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Joke of the Day

"Cop: Is that a turtle? Me: ... Cop: Painted blue? Me: ... Cop: With nails glued on? Me: ... Cop: Mario Kart's not real Me: YOURE NOT REAL"

"""A mother is a person who seeing there are only four pieces of pie for five people, promptly announces she never did care for pie."""

"A boy goes into a stripclub... When he comes home, his mom asks him: ""Son, did you see anything you aren't supposed to see there?"" The son replies, ""Ya, I saw dad."""

"A dog walks into a bar and says to the bartender ""A pint of beer please."" The bartender says ""Wow that's amazing! You should join the circus!"" The dog then replies ""Why? Do they need electricians?"""

"I can't take anymore of this 50 Shades of Grey promo. It's still your basic Cinderella story. Now she just has a ball gag."

"What do you call it when a Catholic renovates his kitchen? A counter reformation."

"People who say ""seriously, another one?"" after your 3rd slice of pizza are not people you need in your life."

"Babe.. [gets down on one knee] I'm [gets down on the other knee] so [lays down on belly] tired [zzzzzzzzzz]"

"Why doesn't a blonde talk during sex? Because her mother told her never to talk to strangers."

"Why did the nickel jump of the building but the dime did not? Because the dime had more cents."