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Joke of the Day

"Cop: Is that a turtle? Me: ... Cop: Painted blue? Me: ... Cop: With nails glued on? Me: ... Cop: Mario Kart's not real Me: YOURE NOT REAL"

"5: daddy can I tell you a secret? Me: sure thing buddy 5: *grabs my face and whispers* I just pooped and I didn't wash my hands"

"Operator: 911, what's your emergency? Me: YES HELLO DO BEES SLEEP AT NIGHT?"

"What's Bill Cosby's favourite dessert? Puddin. Puddin his dick inside her"

"Hangovers vs Women Why are hangovers better than women? Hangovers go away!"

"Couple of girlfriends decided to go out on girls night. But they had nothing to talk about, because all of them showed up."

"Step 1) Ask mom to come meet your girlfriend. Step 2) Text ""Medusa's excited to meet you."" Step 3) Place statue of yourself on your lawn."

"Does a roller coaster like its work? It has its ups and downs."

"What did the Morman say when asked what kind of wives he wanted? ""Brigham Young"""

"I walked in on two mummies making out. I told them to get a tomb."