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Joke of the Day

"Is anyone on Twitter named Sarah Connor? If so, where do you live? Nothing to worry about, just a simple survey for my neural net processor."

"New exercise regimen: I can only sit down when my toddler does. So far I've lost 17,000 pounds."

"1 Ring to rule them all, 1 Ring to find them, 1 Ring to bring them all & in the darkness bind them. 3 rings to let Mum know you're home safe"

"Follow your dreams Except for that one where you're naked at work."

"Why did the chicken cross the road? To meet Adele (Hello from the other side)"

"What do you call a prostitue from Maui? ""Hana Ho"""

"[overhears girl at work crying because her grandad & her dad died this month] Me: not all men are like that"

"Q: Define Transvestite: A: A guy who likes to eat drink and be Mary."

"If I had a million dollars i'd pay to have sex with your mum and i'd probably invest the other $999,990"

"A big thank you to all local DJs who play marijuana themed music at 4:20. You're doing god's work."