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Joke of the Day

"Me: *breathes"" My parents: you need to watch that attitude young man."

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"What's the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus? It only takes one nail to hang a picture."
"What did Gimli say when his wife wasn't in the mood for sex? ""You're going to have to toss me"""
"Chuck Norris has to use a stunt double when he does crying scenes."
"Q. What does a woman's asshole do when she is having an orgasm? A. He is usually home with the kids!"
"Why couldn't the giraffe get a job at the bank? They weren't hiring."
"So I accidentally called my teacher 'mommy' yesterday... Now she knows exactly what kind of porn I'm into."
"What do you call it when plants bang? Floral sex."
"Sorry if this is a re-post but ... Here's a great knock knock joke - but you have to start Ok, knock knock Who's there ......."
"Her: You know, alot of men are going to be miserable when I marry. Me: Well how many men do you plan to marry?"