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Joke of the Day

"Why do women wear makeup and perfume? because they are ugly and they smell bad"

"CNN is fucked if their viewers ever discover they can access the Internet on their own."

"What's the difference between an IRS audit and prison rape? In prison, you have a chance at getting a reach around"

"What's the difference between a garbanzo bean and a chickpea? I wouldn't pay $39 to have a garbanzo bean on my chest."

"Billion Dollar Idea: Child-Cancelling Headphones"

"Why did the horse stumble? He was de-stable-ized."

"I'm getting restraining orders against all the cops so I can do anything I want"

"At the end of the day it's 23:59:59"

"My 4-year-old thinks the 5-second rule means she can eat anything off the floor if she waits 5-seconds first. That M&M was from last Easter."

"*sees couple making out* Come on, get a room. Get a house with a bunch of rooms. Start a family, I think you'd have beautiful children."