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Joke of the Day

"Me: You're supposed to be taking a nap 4-year-old: I am Me: Then why are you standing here? 4-year-old: Me: 4-year-old: This is a dream"

"Can't believe my daughter said I was embarrassing her by trying to be cool. She needs to check the tude & stop being so wiggity wiggity wack"

"*pokes forehead* Is this thing on ?"

"A young woman walks into a dry cleaner She asks the elderly owner inspecting her blouse how long it would take to clean. Hard of hearing the man asks, ""come again?"" She responds, ""No, it's yogurt"""

"I like my women like I like my coffee... Ground up and in my freezer."

"Helen Keller walks into a bar.... And a table.....then some chairs..."

"I fell off a 50 foot ladder yesterday. Luckily I was on the bottom step."

"My friend recently got crushed by books. He's got his shelf to blame."

"How did Jesus get those sexy messiah abs? He did crossfit."

"What did the baker say to the dough before he put it in the oven? ""You are no longer kneaded."""