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Joke of the Day

"I watched her squeeze into the booth, finish 3 Egg McMuffins, & stand-up. ""My knees are killing me, it must be the cold weather,"" she said."

"What do you call sex with a burrito? Getting chipotlaid."

"On my last flight I watched a woman in front of me pull out her hair and eat it until I fell asleep. Can't do that in first class."

"Sorry man I cant come over. Im busy playing nunchucks ""Dont you mean playing WITH nunchucks?"" No? *tosses another nun off the overpass*"

"PornHub recently had videos featuring Chyna on the front page and I decided to check some of them out... ...they weren't the finishing move I was looking for."

"How many Americans does it take to change a light bulb? Just kidding, you can't change anything in the United States."

"""i like the little round slices of shitty hard bread in chex mix. that's actually my favorite part"" -a monster"

"What was Robert E. Lee voted in his High School Yearbook? ""Most likely to Secede"""

"Why did 2pac go to the gym? So he could become 8pac. To clarify, my 11 year old niece told me this. Thought this sub needed to lighten up a bit."

"Are you in a fight with another person? Well it really seems like you two are squaring off. At least to tell us the long side of the story according to the Pythagorean Theorem."