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Joke of the Day

"Tell me you love me. Then get in the kitchen, make me a sandwich and let me play my video games so I know it's real"

"With my pasty white skin, ample curves, & hatred of manual labor, I would have dominated the 16th century."

"recruiter: u should join the army octopus: buddy I'm army enough as it is"

"Why can't Ray Charles read? Because he's blind you racist!"

"Fat people would be great ninjas. The all black uniform would be mistaken for a solar eclipse thus creating the ultimate ninja diversion."

"""Boy it sure is muggy out here.""- White people, walking through the hood."

"How many sound guys does it take to screw in a light bulb? Two, two... One, two."

"What is the last sound you hear before a pubic hair hits the floor? PTEWIE!"

"- If you insinuate that I'm fat again, I'm leaving you! - Don't be selfish, think about the baby. - What baby? - Oh, so you're not pregnant?"

"there's two types of people inthe world: cops who are a week from retirement and robbers who want to go straight but have to do one last job"