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Joke of the Day
"I've had about 13 beers so I guess I'll give myself a haircut"
Next Joke
"[hospital] DOCTOR: Your wife signed a DNR ME: I'm here for a sprained ankle DOCTOR: She insisted"
"I don't think this girl on Facebook will ""survive"" the 2nd day of her diet.. I'll keep you posted."
"What's the difference between an oral, and rectal thermometer? The taste."
"My dad is teaching me to be a hipster He told me to eat my food before its cool."
"Instead of yet another love song, someone should write a song about wanting to be left alone for fifteen minutes."
"Sorry I used your baby's bald head as a lipstick blotter."
"I saw a guy wearing a stovepipe hat the other day... ...so I said, ""Hey! Abraham Lincoln called and he wants..."" Then I realized, they didn't have phones in the mid 1800s."
"Just got unfollowed by exorcist scary looking lady with crazy eyes who has ""will get in cars with strangers"" in her bio. I'm hiding........"
"Tell a woman she has cute kids and she's all proud. Whisper it to her and she calls the cops."