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Joke of the Day

"How many accountants does it take to change a light bulb? ""What kind of answer did you have in mind?"" Two one to change the light bulb and one to check that it was done within the given budget."

"why do women wear make up and perfume? Because they're ugly and they stink."

"What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking? Slow down."

"One of the worst things about tweeting while driving is all of the people that seem to appear out of nowhere on the sidewalk."

"Today a girl stopped me on the sidewalk and says, ""On a scale of 1 to 10, how pretty do you think I am?"" ""I'd say you're about the average but I don't want to make this a mean joke."""

"Husband has fake roaches that he sets up around the house to scare the shit out of me 24/7. I'm putting out positive pregnancy tests. HA."

"I just overheard a co-worker announce she got tickets to a Nickelback concert. That's all, she was completely serious."

"What I learned from small crosses placed along the roadside with flowers. Christians are horrible drivers."

"A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar.... A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar. The barman says, ""Is this some kind of joke?"""

"Every time I say that I'm ready to order in a restaurant what I really mean is that I'm not ready but the panic will help me make a decision"