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Joke of the Day

"Why does Santa come down the chimney? Because Mrs. Claus told him he'd never get in the back door."

"guests ask for my wifi password, so I made ""What is wifi?"" my password cuz I'm real into that ""who's on first"" bit"

"How do you know the guy sucking your dick is gay? He's holding it with his pinky in the air."

"The 4 year old thinks a cat's tail is it's underwear because it covers the butthole. I can't really argue with that logic."

"What's long hard and has semen in it? A submarine!"

"[shitty joke incoming] A man just woke up from brain surgery... Where he got a brain tumor removed. When the doctor asked if he was okay he said he felt light headed."

"You cannot run through a campground You can only ran, because it is past tents"

"[airport check-in] Me: I'd like to check this in Clerk: you'll have to take that on with u Me [sighing & picking baby up off counter]: fine"

"She's so fat, she's got more chins than a Chinese phone book."

"My wife was vehemently prolife. Until she heard the news that my girlfriend is pregnant."