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Joke of the Day

"When everyone around you is an ahole you've gotta stop, take a long look at you & accept how awesome you are dead center in ahole land."

"What is Beethoven doing these days? Decomposing."

"Sorry I conned your kid out of their Chuck E Cheese tickets. Maybe try not raising a sucker. Now excuse me, I have a sweet toy to play with."

"A man comes home with a bouquet of flowers for his girlfriend... She says ""I guess I'll have to spread my legs now"" And he replies ""Why, don't you have a vase?"""

"Got my wife an educational toy. It's a dildo that speaks Spanish. Rapido Rapido Rapido."

"I'm going to be late I'm at the hospital getting my hymen restored, so I'm a bit de-laid."

"How can you tell if your roommate's gay? His dick tastes like shit"

"""My wife and I are SO in love. Always finishing each other's..."" (silence) (silence) *Russian accent* ""You give me Green Card now, yes?"""

"My friends told me to stop being a flamingo I decided to put my foot down!"

"Are you a beaver? Cuz dam."