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Joke of the Day

"Took the batteries out of the carbon monoxide alarm because the loud beeping was giving me a headache and making me feel sick and dizzy."

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"We saw the german chancellor fall down the stairs ! AUA !"
"What is a time travelling vacuum cleaner called? Dr Whoover"
"Two fish were in a tank... One fish says to the other ""You man the guns, i'll drive"""
"A three-legged dog sits down at the bar Orders a whiskey. Bartender asks,""What brings you to these parts?"" Dog responds,""Lookin for the sonofabitch who shot my paw.'"
"Why couldn't the two melons get married? They can't elope."
"A Stupid Boyfriend Thought LOL Meant ""Lots Of Love"". So He Sent This Text To His Girlfriend,""You Are Only Girl Of My Life.......LOL""."
"A reality TV mogul, a woman, and a Jew are running for president... And that's just the front runners!"
"What keyboard layout does Miley Cyrus use? TWERQY."
"how to dismiss awkward boners ""Don't worry about him...he's a real dick"""