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Joke of the Day

"It's time for my wife's 12 week sonogram! I can't wait to see what we'll have! A son or an abortion"

"Why is sleeping the second most favorite activity of people's lives? Because it follows their first favorite activity, sex."

"Donald Trump is already generating millions of the new jobs in America! Thanks to him, protesting is now considered a full time job!"

"What has 200 teeth and holds back Godzilla? My zipper"

"Negative Million Dollar Idea: devote a large portion of your 20s and 30s in pursuit of vague creative oriented career ambitions."

"If you get cold, just stand in a corner for a little bit. They're usually 90 degrees."

"My superpower is making people laugh. Which would be great if I was trying to be funny."

"How many pornstars does it take to screw in a lightbulb? I don't know... I skipped the intro."

"For Sale: Parachute Never opened, slightly stained."

"A priest, a child abuser and just plain pedophile went to a bar. And he ordered one drink."