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Joke of the Day

"In honor of the Vikings/Packers game on Saturday... How can you tell if a Packers fan is mad at you? They grit their tooth at you."

"Crap happens Called in sick to work cause I had a stomach ache and felt constipated. Got fired. Couldn't give a crap even if I wanted to."

"How did the musician catch his fish? He castanet"

"Did you guys hear about Anonymous declaring war on ISIS? Looks like ISIS will finally get fucked by those 72 virgins they are always going on about"

"If I had a boy I'd name him ""Opportunity"" & whenever he knocks on the door I'll say ""I bet that's opportunity knocking"" & laugh with my wife"

"Candy is like virginity It's easy to take from a child"

"What do you do to a chemist after they die? You Barium"

"What are a philosopher's favorite type of chips? Plato Nachos"

"Two men just got away with the largest Viagra heist in history. Police say to be on the lookout for hardened criminals."

"If I had a dollar every time someone called me a racist, a lot of black people would try to rob me"