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Joke of the Day

"SEA LION 1: ""More like shark *weak* amirite?"" SEA LION 2: ""Hahaha"" SHARK: ""Hey guys, what ya watching?"" [Sea lions jump onto ceiling fan]"

"A great way to get a cw to stop talking to you permanently is to start clipping your toenails in the middle of their story"

"What did the poker dealer say to LMFAO? Everyday I'm shufflin'."

"What's the hardest part when your ex tells you she is HIV positive Trying to act surprised."

"Play Sharknado for an old person and tell them that it's a live news broadcast."

"Why don't sea creatures get divorced? Because they can't afford abalone."

"Officer pulled me over & asked if I knew what the speed limit was, like I'm getting paid to tell him his job."

"What do you get if you cross a Green Lantern, a car and an atheist? Willing suspension of disbelief."

"Do you have 11 protons? Cause your sodium fine."

"Why did the hippie lifeguard not save the drowning boy? He was too far out man!!"