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Joke of the Day

"i like my women like i like my coffee roasted, ground up, and suspended in hot water"

"Why are paraplegics bad project teammates? They never carry their own weight."

"I could be Robin Hood if I had a bow and arrows and something to steal and give away and an old English accent and a gang of merry men."

"Did you hear about the jewish guy? Did you hear about the jewish guy that walked into a wall with a boner? He broke his nose."

"My girlfriend hates it when I sneak up on her... According to her lawyer, she also hates it when I call her my girlfriend."

"Every couple weeks I pour a little cocoa powder and hot milk down the sink as a pick me up for any struggling mole people."

"I'm surprised the back of soy milk cartons don't have missing hipster children."

"What did the pool cleaner say to the impatient swimmer? Whoa, whoa, whoa... Wade just a minute."

"I don't want to seem desperate after a date so I usually text him 10 years later when he has a wife and kids."

"Do you know why Native American sex is so hot? It's fucking in tents."