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Joke of the Day

"I'm a simple man *bites a pinecone* I enjoy simple things *tosses a gun into a lake* that's why I decided to let these bees live in my skull"

"What's /r/blackpeopletwitter's favourite charity? ox-fam"

"What's blue and flies around the room at high speeds? A baby with a punctured lung"

"I can't wait to meet that special someone who will eventually ignore me."

"Why was everybody too afraid to go to the barber? He committed barbercide."

"I wish my phone would stop correcting omg' to OMG', I'm not that shocked."

"What should be Serena William's nickname? Tennis-ee Williams"

"I got pulled over for speeding So, I really don't have the patience to type this long ass joke on my phone, but my wife's a whore."

"Guy walks up to his wife with a duck under his arm... ""Honey. This is the pig I've been fucking for the last ten years."" ""That's not a pig, it's a duck!"" ""I was talking to the duck."""

"I have a tendency to run around naked... So every morning I spray myself with Windex, to prevent me from streaking."