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Joke of the Day

"What is Donald Trump's Favorite Nut? The wallnut."

"Love is a game where you try to balance an increasingly unstable structure before it crashes down. No wait nvm those are Jenga instructions"

"Why can't a soldier look wistfully across the horizon? Because there are no gaze in the military"

"Nigeria's president is up for re-election. Good luck Jonathan!"

"If you took the Facebook IQ Test and it determined you're a Genius, the fact that you participated in a Facebook test negates the results."

"In 2010 the Apple CEO came to my house and started taking my cleaning supplies.. Bloody Jobs, stealing my polish!"

"Just confused cereal with rat poison...I don't know if to wait till I'm sober to do something about it or not?"

"People dating on the internet have it so easy. Back in my day, a man would walk uphill both ways in the snow to disappoint a woman."

"You cant have crisis without ISIS"

"*The most messed up jokes you know* I'll start: What's worse than sucking a dozen raw oysters out of your grandmother's pussy? Sucking out thirteen of them and realizing you only put in a dozen."