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Joke of the Day

"What do you call a sleeping bull? A bull-dozer."

"I was at a restaurant and didn't have any money left after paying for my meal. So I tipped the waitress my fedora."

"Did you know that clumsy people are more likely to be obese? That's because they keep walking into things.........like McDonald's."

"I bought my friend an elephant for his room. He said ""thanks"", I said ""don't mention it"""

"Live each day as if everyone loves you because self-delusion is underrated as a coping mechanism."

"What did one dog say to the other when he wanted a marker? ""Pass the Shar Pei, please."""

"What happened after the word bank was robbed? There was a run on sentences."

"I'm really impressed by both Kim Kardashian and Caitlyn Jenner... Both women got famous by making a dick disappear."

"Never date a chemist, they seduce you with their magnetism, only call you periodically, then one day: Boom! They Argon."

"Today is the day I go back to the gym. Tomorrow is when I stop telling lies."