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Joke of the Day

"How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb? Don't be stupid, feminists can't change anything!"

"You should never bribe someone to get what you want. You should blackmail them, it's cheaper and much more effective."

"I like my women like I like my whiskey... ....15 years old and mixed up with coke."

"With Jupiter ascending flopping the wachowskis are planning to quit the movie biz and going into the fast growing Mexican food business They are planning on naming their company as the Nachoskis"

"Rome wasn't built in a day... But it was built in Italy!!"

"The only problem with winning concert tickets from a Pepsi lid is that you will be attending a concert with a bunch of Pepsi drinkers"

"My little brother just told me I looked stoned as hell. Which is a little weird, considering I don't have a little brother..."

"Why does an Ethiopian baby cry? He's having a midlife crisis."

"Wife: I read my mom that funny tweet you wrote. Me: Don't you mean THOSE funny TWEETS? Wife: ... Me: ... Wife: No. No, I don't."

"I babysat for the first time and it was just non-stop screaming. Next time I'll look before I lie down on the couch."