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Joke of the Day
"Haven't been able to tweet much recently. Need to cut back on real life."
Next Joke
"a quadruple amputee is waiting at the bus stop.The bus pulls up.Driver says ""alright John how you getting on today?"""
"The guy who coined the phrase,""I'm not gettin any younger."" The guy he said it to then coined the phrase,""No shit, Sherlock."""
"My dick is good at math. What I'm trying to say is that it's the small things that count."
"Not only is it daylight savings time today, but also Int'l Women's Day. Because apparently a full 24 hours to celebrate women would have been just a bit much."
"I used to be addicted to the hokey pokey... But then I turned myself around"
"What was used to grow crops on Mars in the movie Martian? Good Shit"
"How do you write ""DO NOT TOUCH"" in braille ?"
"Why would Donald Trump make a great addition to The Walking Dead? All he wants to do is build a wall."
"What do you call a parade of rabbits hopping backwards ? A receding hare-line."